What to Do with Your Dead Mom

Since childhood a common discussion with my mother has been her funeral and what to do with her remains. She's firmly in the burn-me-up camp. She has nightmares of being buried alive. Burned alive doesn't seem to concern her as much.


Since I seem determined (her words, not mine) to disappoint her grandchildren ambitions, I have since suggested an alternative. As she'll be long gone (again, her words) by the time I get around to making dribbling crying copies of myself, I've told her that my plan differs from her own. She'll be stuffed in a Bela Lugosi pose.

Of course, her eyes will be replaced with flashing red LEDs as is tradition.

The idea being is that even in death she can participate in the rearing of her descendants, as a disciplinary measure. If you don’t clean your room, you're going into the closet with grandmother.

I think ole' Momo is coming around to the idea.